ISSUES
: Domestic Violence
Chapter 1: Domestic violence
20
Abuse in teenage relationships
If you’re in a relationship and you feel unhappy about or frightened by the way your
partner treats you, you don’t have to put up with it.
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t can be hard to know what’s
‘normal’ in a relationship. It can
take time to get to know each
other and discover what works for
you both.
But there’s one thing that’s for sure:
abusive or violent behaviour is not
acceptable. If it’s happening to you,
it’s OK to ask for help and advice.
Partner abuse can happen to anyone
of any age, culture or religion. It can
happen to boys or girls, but it’s much
more likely to happen to girls. Young
people in same-sex relationships are
also more likely to be affected.
Tink Palmer, a social worker who
works with people who have been
abused, says: “No-one should have
to put up with violence in any form. If
it’s happening to you, talk to a person
you trust, such as a parent, a trusted
adult or a friend. Don’t hold it in – talk
to someone.”
What is abuse in a
relationship?
Abuse can involve physical violence,
such as hitting, kicking, pushing,
slapping or pressuring you into sex.
But there are other forms of abuse,
too.
Emotional and verbal abuse can
involve your boyfriend or girlfriend:
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saying things that make you feel
small, whether you’re alone or in
front of other people
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pressuring you to do things
you don’t want to do, including
sexual things
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checking up on you all the time to
find out where you are and who
you’re with – for example, texting
or calling you a lot if you’re out
with your friends
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threatening to hurt you or
someone close to you, including
pets.
As well as happening when you’re
together, emotional and verbal abuse
can happen on the phone or on the
Internet.
Behaviour like this is not about love.
It’s about someone controlling you
and making you behave how they
want. People who abuse a partner
verbally or emotionally may
turn to violence later on in
the relationship. This kind of
controlling behaviour is a big
warning sign.
Behaviour like this is not OK,
even if some people tell you
it is. Violence and abuse in
relationships is not normal,
it is not ‘just the way things
are’ or ‘messing around’. It’s
a serious issue.
Being hurt emotionally and
physically can harm your
self-esteem and make you
feel anxious, depressed or
ill. Young people who are
abused can also develop
eating disorders, problems
with alcohol and drugs,
and be at risk of sexually
transmitted infections and
pregnancy
from
sexual
abuse.
Getting help for abuse
If you’re in a controlling or abusive
relationship and you want help,
don’t be scared to talk to someone
about it. Remember, it’s not your
fault, no matter what anyone says,
and it is far better to talk about it
with someone. It doesn’t matter if
you’ve been drinking or what you’ve
been wearing. There is no excuse.
It can be difficult to find the right
words to ask for help. Try asking
someone whether you can talk
to them about something. Tell
them you need some help or that
something is happening and you
don’t know what to do.
There are several people you might
talk to, such as:
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an adult mentor or a favourite
teacher at school
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your mum, dad or another
trusted adult – perhaps a
friend’s mum
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an adviser on a helpline such
as ChildLine (0800 1111)
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a GP or nurse
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a friend.
And remember, try again if you
don’t get the response you think
you need. If you are in immediate
danger, call 999.
If you think a friend is being
abused
If you think a friend might be
experiencing abuse, talk to
them. “Keep calm, and don’t be
judgmental or condemning,” says
Palmer. “It can be difficult to
talk to a friend, but try. If you’re
concerned, don’t worry that you
might be wrong, worry that you
might be right.”
Try asking your friend if you can
talk about something. Tell them
you’re worried about them and ask
them whether everything is OK.
Listen to them and let them know
that nobody has to put up with
abuse.
