Issues 307 Body Confidence - page 37

ISSUES
: Body Confidence
Chapter 2: Self-esteem
31
Hobbies
This could be anything from learning
a language, to singing, to a painting
class. Think about where you feel
you have some natural ability, or
things that you have always wanted
to try. Try to find activities that will
not challenge you too much to begin
with so that you can feel you have
achieved something and have a
chance to build your confidence.
The Internet, your library and adult
education colleges should have
details of local clubs and classes
that you might want to go along to.
Try to build positive
relationships
Try to associate with people who will
not criticise you, and who you feel
able to talk to about your feelings. If
you spend time around positive and
supportive people, you are more
likely to have a better self-image
and feel more confident.
In return, if you are caring and
supportive to other people, you
are more likely to get a positive
response from them. This will help
you feel better about yourself and
how other people perceive you.
If you have low self-esteem, there
might be people close to you who
encourage the negative beliefs
and opinions that you hold. It is
important to identify these people
and take action to stop them from
doing this, perhaps by becoming
more assertive (see ‘Learn to be
assertive’ below) or by limiting how
much you see them.
Learn to be assertive
Being assertive means you value
yourself and others, and can
communicate with mutual respect. It
will help you to set clear boundaries.
The following things will help you
act in a more assertive way:
Ö
Pay attention to your body
language as well as to the
words you say – try to be open
and confident.
Ö
Try to express your feelings if
you have been upset – wait until
you feel calm and explain clearly
how you feel.
Ö
Say “no” to unreasonable
requests.
Ö
Tell people if you need more
time or support with tasks that
you find challenging.
Ö
Try to speak in the first person
where possible – e.g. “When you
speak to me like that, I feel…”.
This allows you to explain what
you want to happen without
appearing aggressive or scared.
Ö
Assertiveness can be a difficult
skill to learn, and you may need
to practise by talking in front of a
mirror or with a friend. Many adult
education institutions, such as
colleges or universities, also offer
assertiveness classes. There
are also several self-help books
with practical exercises and tips
available to buy or use online.
Look after your physical
health
Looking after your physical health
can help you feel happier and
healthier, and improve your self-
image.
Physical activity
Physical activity helps improve
people’s sense of wellbeing and
image of themselves. Exercise
releases endorphins – ‘feel-good’
hormones that can help improve
your mood, particularly if you do it
outside. (See Mind tips for better
mental health: physical activity for
ideas on how to get active.)
Sleep
Lack of sleep can cause negative
feelings to be exaggerated and
means you can feel less confident,
so it’s important to make sure you
get enough sleep. (See Mind’s
booklet
How to cope with sleep
problems
for help establishing a
good sleep routine.)
Diet
Eating a well-balanced diet at
regular meal-times with plenty
of water and vegetables will help
you to feel healthier and happier.
Stopping or reducing your alcohol
intake, and avoiding tobacco and
recreational drugs can also help
improve your general wellbeing.
Set yourself a challenge
If you set yourself goals and work
towards achieving them, you will
feel satisfied and proud of yourself
when you achieve your goal, and
feel more positive about yourself as
a result.
Make sure the challenge you
set yourself is one that you can
realistically achieve. It doesn’t have
to be anything particularly large but
should have meaning for you. For
example, you might decide you are
going to write a letter to your local
paper or start going to a regular
exercise class.
Learn to identify and
challenge negative beliefs
If you are going to improve your
self-esteem, it may also help
to understand more about your
negative beliefs about yourself and
where they came from.
This could be a painful process,
so it’s important to take your time,
and perhaps ask a friend or partner
to support you. If you are feeling
very distressed, it might be better
to seek professional help from a
therapist to help you do this.
It might be helpful to write down
notes, and questions such as
these could help to structure your
thoughts:
Ö
What do you feel are your
weaknesses or failings?
Ö
What negative things do you
think other people think about
you?
Ö
If you could sum yourself up,
what word would you use – “I
am…”?
Ö
When did you start feeling like
this?
Ö
Can you identify an experience
or event that might have caused
this feeling?
Ö
Do you find you have certain
negative thoughts on a regular
basis?
It might also be helpful to keep
a thought diary or record over a
period of several weeks. Write down
details of situations, how you felt
and what you think the underlying
belief was. For example:
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