ISSUES
: Body Confidence
Chapter 2: Self-esteem
32
Situation
Reaction
Underlying belief
Asked to deliver
a presentation at
work
Felt very anxious,
but told boss it
was fine
No-one will want to listen to
me because I am not engaging
I was invited to a
party
I lied and said I
had something
else to do
I can’t say anything interesting
and I’ll look stupid dressed up
I saw a job that I
liked in the paper
I got angry and
tore it up
I’m not clever enough for that
sort of work or someone would
have offered me a job like that
already
As you identify what your core
beliefs about yourself are, and
where they come from, you can
begin to challenge and change
them. One way you can do this is
to write down evidence to challenge
each belief and begin to explore
other explanations of a situation.
For example, if you think that no one
likes you, you can start to record
situations that show a different
pattern:
Ö
My mum called me on my
birthday.
Ö
My brother didn’t answer my
call, but then later told me he
had been really busy at work –
it wasn’t personal.
Ö
I have been asked to go to a
friend’s wedding next summer.
Ö
I had a really nice conversation
with my colleague over our
coffee break.
These might feel like small
examples, but as your list gets
longer over time you can look back
at it and challenge the negative
opinions that you have been holding
on to.
You could make a list of negative
thoughts with the evidence against
them, in two columns:
Negative thought | Evidence against
it
Focus on positive things
If you have low self-esteem, it can
take practice to get used to thinking
more positively about yourself. One
way you can do this is by making
a list of several things that you like
about yourself.
You might include:
Ö
things about your personality
Ö
things about the way that you
look
Ö
things that you do
Ö
skills you have developed.
Take your time and aim for 50
different things, even if this takes
several weeks. Keep this list and
look at a different part of it each
day. If you are feeling down
or worried about an event
that is coming up, such as
a job interview, you can use
it to remind you of the good
things about yourself.
If you struggle to come up
with a list of good things, you
could ask your partner or a
trusted friend to help you
begin. This may also help
you to see how others may
have a higher opinion of you
than you do yourself.
Another technique is to write
down at least three things
that went well or that you have
achieved that day before you
go to sleep. Some people also find
it helpful to keep objects, such as
photos or letters that make them
feel good about themselves.
You might like to make a list of
positive things about you.
Try mindfulness techniques
Mindfulness is a way of paying
attention to the present moment,
using techniques like meditation,
breathing and yoga. It has been
shown to help people become
more aware of their thoughts and
feelings, so that instead of being
overwhelmed by them, it is easier
to manage them. The Be Mindful
website has more information and
details of local classes around
the UK. There are also many
mindfulness self-help books and
CDs available.
Self-help resources
Ten tips to increase your self-
esteem:
1.
Do
activities that you enjoy.
2.
Spend time with positive,
supportive people.
3.
Be helpful and considerate to
others.
4.
Try not to compare yourself to
other people.
5.
Try to do regular exercise, eat
healthily and get enough sleep.
6.
Be assertive – don’t let people
treat you with a lack of respect.
7.
Use self-help books and
websites to develop helpful
skills, like assertiveness or
mindfulness.
8.
Learn to challenge your negative
beliefs.
9.
Acknowledge your positive
qualities and things you are
good at.
10.
Get into the habit of thinking
and saying positive things about
yourself.
Ö
The above information is
reprinted with kind permission
from Mind. Please visit www.
mind.org.uk
for
further
information.
© Mind 2016
