ISSUES
: Body Confidence
Chapter 2: Self-esteem
34
combined with warm and consistent
care, help children develop feelings
of attachment to their parents, which
may further pave the way for the
development of positive self-esteem.
We found the first five years to be
critical in laying the foundation for this
social-emotional development.
Positive self-esteem can help in other
ways as well.
For preschoolers, it is important to
feel that they are part of a group. In
this way they can navigate the social
world more easily. Children, just like
adults, tend to prefer those groups to
which they belong.
Scientists call this an in-group
preference. In-groups in adults can
be based on race, nationality, religion,
etc. In children, we found a strong in-
group preference based on gender,
and it was linked to self-esteem.
This shows that self-esteem is
systematically related to other
fundamental aspects of one’s
personality very early in development.
We believe that self-esteem is one of
the mental tools children use to create
a sense of identity and belonging with
social groups. In other words, at an
earlyage, childrenmirroradultpatterns
of psychological organisation. This is
something they bring to kindergarten
with them and don’t learn in school.
Giving kids a good start in life may
be one of the most important gifts
that parents can provide to their child:
children who feel loved by others
will likely internalise this love to love
themselves.
Jessica from the YouTube video is but
one compelling reminder of just how
inspiring a young child’s positive self-
view can be. And it is the foundation
for so much more.
22 January 2016
Ö
The above information is reprinted
with kind permission from
The
Conversation
. Please visit www.
theconversation.com for further
information.
© 2010–2016,
The Conversation Trust (UK)
Raising low self-esteem
We all have times when we lack confidence and don’t feel good about ourselves.
B
ut when low self-esteem
becomes a long-termproblem,
it can have a harmful effect on
our mental health and our lives.
Self-esteem is the opinion we have
of ourselves. When we have healthy
self-esteem, we tend to feel positive
about ourselves and about life in
general. It makes us able to deal with
life’s ups and downs better.
When our self-esteem is low, we
tend to see ourselves and our life
in a more negative and critical light.
We also feel less able to take on the
challenges life throws at us.
What causes low self-
esteem?
Low self-esteem often begins
in childhood. Teachers, friends,
siblings, parents, and even the
media give us lots of messages –
both positive and negative. But for
some reason, the message that you
are not good enough sticks.
You may have found it difficult to live
up to other people’s expectations of
you, or to your own expectations.
Stress and difficult life events, such
as serious illness or a bereavement,
can have a negative effect on self-
esteem. Personality can also play
a part. Some of us are simply more
prone to negative thinking, while
others set impossibly high standards
for themselves.
How does low self-esteem
affect us?
The problem with thinking we’re no
good is that we start to behave as
if it’s true. “Low self-esteem often
changes people’s behaviour in ways
that act to confirm the person isn’t
able to do things or isn’t very good,”
says Chris Williams, Professor of
Psychosocial Psychiatry at the
University of Glasgow.
If you have low self-esteem or
confidence, you may hide yourself
away from social situations, stop
trying new things and avoid things
you find challenging.
“In the short term, avoiding
challenging and difficult situations
makes you feel a lot safer,” says
Professor Williams. “In the longer
term, this avoidance can actually
backfire because it reinforces your
underlying doubts and fears. It
teaches you the unhelpful rule that
the only way to cope is by avoiding
things.”
Living with low self-esteem can
harm your mental health, leading
to problems such as depression
and anxiety. You may also develop
unhelpful habits, such as smoking
and drinking too much, as a way of
coping.
How to have healthy self-
esteem
In order to boost self-esteem, you
need to identify and challenge the
negative beliefs you have about
yourself.
“You need to look at your beliefs,
how you learned them and why
you believe them,” says Professor
Williams. “Then actively begin to
gather and write down evidence that
disconfirms them.”
Learn to spot the negative thoughts
you have about yourself. You may
tell yourself you are “too stupid” to
apply for a new job, for example, or
that “nobody cares” about you. Start
to note these negative thoughts and
write them down on a piece of paper
or in a diary, suggests Professor
Williams. Ask yourself when you first
started to think these thoughts.
Next, start to write down evidence
that challenges these negative
beliefs: “I am really good at cryptic
crosswords” or “My sister calls for
a chat every week”. Write down
